The Rum Diary Gets Blogged

Sorry, the movie “The Rum Diary” isn’t about rum, and I didn’t hear the word diary once.  Yes, they drink rum often; after all, the action is set in the home of Bacardi, Puerto Rico, in 1960.  The name Bacardi is mentioned one time.   Maybe my high school English teacher would be disappointed that I failed to recognize that rum is the metaphor for all the temptations that bring out the human frailties that prevent us from reaching our full potential and that my connotation of diary is just way too narrow.

I do, however, get asked frequently about this movie and its contribution to the rum world.  So here goes.

What would be the worst drinking game while watching this movie?  Take a drink every time someone says, “Rum.”   

• ·         Rum is first mentioned 15½ minutes into the movie (counting HBO intro credits). 
• ·         Second mention at 34½ minutes. (+19 minutes)
• ·         Third time the word rum is said is at 49 minutes. (+15 minutes)
• ·         Fourth comes at 1 hour 15 minutes. (+26 minutes)
• ·         Fifth follows at 1 hour 20 minutes. (+5 minutes)
• ·         Sixth at 1 hour 32 minutes. (+12 minutes)
• ·         Movie ends at 1 hour 55 minutes.  (+23 minutes with no additional mention)

Anyone would say that’s just not the pace a screenwriter would mention rum if the movie was really about rum.  This movie is about a novelist who discovers he’s really an investigative journalist destined to expose the corruption of government and big business.  Oh, my, this is a Johnny Depp movie, isn’t it. 

The Rum Diary, based on the novel by Hunter S. Thompson, follows journalist and would-be novelist, Paul Kemp, played by Johnny Depp, in 1960’s Puerto Rico.  Paul drinks more than his share of rum, and promises to cut back, then eventually to stop drinking it altogether.  As he sails off into the sunset—literally—at the end of the movie, we never find out if he either cuts back or quits. 

Imagine Paul Kemp romping around Puerto Rico more than 30 years before the excellent rums of today were even distilled and poured into their barrels for aging.  Throughout the movie, we are teased with miniatures and glasses we are left to assume are rum. 

In one scene, 10 Puerto Rican Rum bottles are struck down by a bowling ball making a Brooklyn pocket hit in what any bowler would recognize as an improbable shot, and any rum lover would declare to be a waste of 227 shots.  (Assuming the bottles are 1 liter size.) 

Unfortunately, never does anyone in the movie call for a rum by name, or is any indication given that there’s a difference among rums.  Rum is just referred to as “rum.”  The characters drink it like it’s domestic beer.  Thus, we rum drinkers learn nothing from this movie about rum.  The lazy screen play writers failed to invest even an afternoon in researching the rich history of rum in Puerto Rico.  To their credit, the photographers caught fantastic camera angles that showed off Puerto Rico in its most favorable panoramas.  Rum—well, that was just background that happened to be mentioned in the title of the movie.  They should have titled it “Depp in the Heart of Palms.“  No, really, I’ll get over it.  This movie won’t be a classic.  The biggest problem for us is that from now on when we Google rum, we’ll have to scroll past all the useless “The Rum Diary” references that’ll come up first.

An Interview with Uncle Richard

Glynn: I understand you recently returned to Barbados to see how rum has matured since 1647.

Uncle Richard: Yes, the kill-divell has really evolved in three centuries.

Glynn: You were the first to write about rum in your book A True and Exact History of the Island of Barbados.  In fact, the rum you encountered in Barbados in 1647 was the first ever distilled.

Uncle Richard: That’s what I hear.  The natives called it kill-divell and boiled it in copper pots using their locally grown sugar cane.  I see the process is a bit more refined, so to speak, these days.

Glynn: Could you English gents stand to drink the local kill-divell?

Uncle Richard: On weekends, and when we did, it didn’t take much of the Devil’s killer brew to finish us off.  Remember, the natives didn’t put their rum away in barrels for 20 years to age it, so there was quite a bite to it.

Glynn: Now I want you to try some Mount Gay Extra Old from Barbados, mixed in what we call today Caffeine-Free Diet Coke on the rocks.  That means it has ice in it.  This is my preferred concoction. There wasn’t any ice to put in drinks in Barbados in 1647 was there?

Uncle Richard: Wow, that’s really chilly.  Where’s the kill-divell taste?  That stuff’s quite tame.  If I could have taken that mixture back to England, the Queen would have knighted me. 

Glynn: What did you think of the local kill-divell?

Uncle Richard: I would have included much more about it in my book if I had any notion future generations would find this at all interesting.  I had quite a fascination for the kill-divell. Around the island, there were several native families that made the brew.  My buddies depended upon me to give them my inside rating each month of the best batch out on the street.  I posted a flier at the local dry goods each month. 

Glynn: No kidding?  That post was the first rum blog. 

Uncle Richard: What’s a blog?

Rum Recommendations

Best Rum for a Neighborhood Party

The occasion is having friends over for a party.  You want to have the appropriate rum for the occasion.  These are your neighbors, friends, maybe an office colleague—people whom you want to entertain with rum they will enjoy throughout the evening.  Your budget is modest (meaning you aren't going to set out the $140 bottle of Ron Abuelo Centuria for them to drain at midnight), so this is when the Rum Meter is your best friend.

·       For Mixing: The 3 best values are clearly Ron Bacardi 8 Anos, Ron Barcelo Gran Anejo, and for raising eyebrows and glasses—Pecan Street Rum.  These will cost just under $20 for a 750 ml bottle.

·       For Straight Up: The two best values are Mocambo and Ron Zacapa 23 Anos.  You’ll be spending around $40 for 750 ml, but the upgrade is noticeable. Really? Your friends are drinking rum straight up at a neighborhood party?  Are you having to watch slides of their vacation to Puerto Rico?  

Best Rum to Impress Your Business Clients

The occasion is entertaining your business clients in an atmosphere where you want them to go away saying, “Wow, they really know their rum!”  There are two levels to this challenge.

Corporate Level: El Dorado 21, Ron Zacapa 23 Anos, and Flor de Cana Aged 18 Years will impress anyone.  These are great for mixing or straight up.  The clients will not recognize these from their favorite restaurant bars. 

Premiere Level: Ron Abuelo Centuria, Pyrat Cask 1623*, and El Dorado 25 are all tough to find, but well worth the search.  These cost $140, $240, and $340 respectively, so be sure the clients are worthy.  *Note: I haven’t rated 1623 yet on this blog.

Best Rum for a Mojito

A white rum is traditional.  There are two that rate highly.  10 Cane is my all-time favorite (8, $30), but Oronoco has come along with the same rating (8, $35).  With all the lime, sugar, mint, and club soda that go into the mojito, the rum can get lost.  So there are two philosophies.  One is to go for one of these quality rums to stand up to the other ingredients.  The other is to just settle for a light Bacardi and try not to go home with the mint leaves stuck between your teeth. 

Best Rum for a Cuba Libre

Raise the canopy mid-afternoon at marker 102 on the beach at Port Aransas.  Pull the Turvis Tumbler out of the Igloo.  There should be about 2/3 ice and Caffeine-Free Diet Coke up to about three inches of the top.  Take out the 750 ml bottle of Ron Bacardi 8 Anos purchased from Island Liquors on Cut-Off Road and fill the tumbler up another two inches.  Squeeze in half a keylime from the IGA Grocery.  Snap on the lid.  Unwrap the orange and white What-a-Burger straw you saved from the stop in Cuero on the way down and slide it down into the lid.  Slip the tumbler into the black handle and give it a couple of easy shakes.  Drop yourself into a chaise lounge chair pointed toward the surf.  Sip.  

What Matters in Rum Ratings

Most people like their own creations.  That’s the way I am about these ratings and descriptions on www.YoHoHoNABOR.blogspot.com.   Sure, there are some rather sophisticated rum ratings and websites out there by individuals and panels of credentialed experts, but they typically include too many rums I can’t find at my local liquor stores.  Then there are websites with rums described only with standard marketing blurbs and photos, but nothing really personal about how the rum enhanced someone’s vacation or whether the rum represents their home town or if the rum brought a smile or grimace to their wife’s face.  Beyond the words, a useful rumsite needs to show the visitor a graphic that depicts each rum’s vitals for ease of comparison.  There needs to be help with selection of the perfect rum for each occasion. 

When I showed this blog to my son, Shelby, he liked the Value Rating.  That conversation also taught me that I needed a visual, graphical way to display value.  That’s how the Rum Meter evolved.  As of this date, the Rum Meter is posted for all rums rated 7 or higher.  After all, if a rum is rated 6 or lower, its value can be misrepresentative.  Would you want to buy a high-value rum that earned that value based more on price than taste? 

So what matters?  Simply, selecting the rum that fits the occasion at the right price.  Oh, yes, and that rum needs to be one that you can actually find.